Friday, July 24, 2009

Hell Hath No Fury...

Like a Mom with three small children standing in a pharmacy and being told the pediatrician did NOT call in the meds for the screaming four month old....

Let me backtrack...
So, my husband has been working RIDICULOUSLY long hours this week...like 14 hour days...this leaves me alone with the kids for ALL of their awake hours of the day. I know he is exhausted and I feel really bad for him (although the paycheck will rock!) but I also feel a little bad for me! "Single" parenting is less than fun. It ALSO means that any errands that need to be run have to be done with...count 'em..1, 2, 3 small children!
Enter into that equation a four month old who has thrush AGAIN...or still...or whatever and who is cranky because her mouth hurts...and you have a recipe for a FINE day, let me tell you. So...I called the pediatrician's office yesterday...after having done a round of Nystatin for her and me (yes, breastfeeding means we can pass it back and forth! YAY!) and also tried gentian violet (twice) and the bright PURPLE mouth is no fun for anyone!! The doc called back, but I missed his call. I called HIM back and of course, the office had closed and even though I know he was there, I could only get the answering service. SO...called again first thing this morning. The nurse called back and said they would call another round of meds into my pharmacy.
The day was long, but I waited until after naps to get the kids in the car and head to the bank and then the pharmacy. Now, I despise going to the pharmacy...mainly because of the two year old who refuses to hold my hand or sit quietly and instead would like to pull things off of shelves and break things. Also, add into that a 5 year old who likes to antagonize and get his brother into trouble and the aforementioned cranky 4 month old and BOY, was that fun...so I am standing in line at the pharmacy, trying to keep the kids in check, and when it is finally my turn, the nice man behind the counter can't find anything. He consults with the pharmacist who confirms NOTHING has been called in. They suggest I called the pedicatrician...LOL...I said, "Yea, I'm sure that will be EASY at 5:30 on a Friday afternoon!" So I put all the small children back in the van, head home, and call the pediatrcian. I am on hold with...who else?! The answering service!! for 15 minutes...then they put a page in, the on-call doc calls me, apologizes, and says she will call it in. This is great, but now I am NOT going back out with all of the kids, so I guess it will wait until tomorrow...but don't think I am happy about it!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

"the days are long, but the years fast..."

It's an important thing to remember.

I don't have the best memory. I admit that and my husband often reminds me...it has good parts, though. It means I might laugh at a story that I heard before, but it is brand new to me. It means that I can completely forget an argument that might have seemed like the biggest thing in the world. The down side for me is that there are things I WISH I could remember and I just can't...

What did Donovan look like when he was two? How much hair did he have? How did it feel to hold his little chubby hand in mine? Those memories are like trying to hold onto grains of sand...they just keep slipping. In the moments when I realize how much is just gone, I want to cling to the here and now. Looking at my long-awaited baby daughter who just fell asleep nursing and now lays on my chest...all pink cheeks and sweet breath...I just want to drink in every second of it. When I look at Patrick who is all go-go-go with his still unstable toddling run and his exuberance...his passionate love of motorcycles and cars and riding in Daddy's truck...listening to his sweet voice say, "Wuv you, mama..." And then there is Donovan. My great, big boy now nearly six. When did he get so tall and skinny? When did he learn to love Star Wars and Batman and Superheroes? When did he start saying things like, "Mom, you know Uranus is the 7th planet from the sun?" He is strong and confident and outgoing. He is loving and cuddly and learning to figure out where he fits in the world. He is the baby that changed my whole life. He is the one that first made my heart burst open and realize that to be "Mom" is all I ever wanted.
So on the days where I feel like I just might lose my mind being at home all day every day with a 5 year old, 2 year old, and 3 month old...on the days where one more defiant child, one more question about what we might do that is fun, and one more request for a snack/drink/story/show might just drive me right over the edge...for all of those days, I want to remember what it means to be "Mom" to my three babies.
So that when Patrick climbs onto the sofa and says, "Read Hungry Caterpillar, Mama?" I will put down the laptop. I will take him on my lap and read. I will read it 75 times in a row if that is what makes his little heart happy.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Blessings

I am lucky.
I was thinking about this last night...I have three beautiful kids. I had three healthy, uncomplicated pregnancies. I have a loving husband. We have a house in a safe neighborhood with good schools. I am fortunate to be able to stay at home.
I know that I, like many, spend a lot of time complaining about not having enough money, not having enough time, not having enough peace and quiet...but when I think about NOT having what I have, it is so scary. I know too many people who have lost children. That should not even be a sentence anyone has to write...LOST CHILDREN.
For me, the very first Mommy Blog I ever got "hooked" on was Jenny Scott. I read about Allie every day and she was similar in age to my oldest...when she passed away, I felt like my heart broke. I cried. I did a Light the Night walk...and I have never forgotten the impact that was made on my life because of her. Since then, I have encountered countless other blogs which I love...and some of those blogs include people who have lost. I love to read about Matt and Madeline and to see all of the pictures of that gorgeous baby who looks just like her gorgeous Mama. It seems so unfair to me that she never got to see that baby grow...and then I started reading about the adorable little Madeline Spohr who was more full of life and energy than any kid I know...and then when she passed away, I was struck again with how quickly it all can end. Everything that makes your life YOURS can be gone in an instant. I don't know how you deal with that...maybe no one does.
Last summer, our neighbors lost one of their three sons to a terrible accident. I didn't know them very well then...just polite hellos and the occasional chit-chat. I was outside the day the dad got the call. I watched him grab his younger son and jump in the car and drive as fast as he could...and then I saw his car come home very late that night. I saw the news headline, "Local Boy Dies" and I could not wrap my mind around that headline. That boy was JUST here...he was playing basketball in his driveway...he was asking to ride his skateboard in my driveway...and now. . . gone. His parents were doing normal, everyday things like mowing their grass and going to the gym and their whole lives came crashing down around them.
And then just before Memorial Day, my 25 year old cousin...who had a baby on the way...was killed instantly in a car accident that wasn't even his fault.
I don't think I am immune. I know this kind of thing can happen to anyone at any time. It is scary and real...and I think I need to try harder to ignore the things that might annoy me on a daily basis and focus on the amazing family that I am blessed to have. I need to appreciate them more and remember that what I have isn't a right or a guarantee, but a blessing.